So Not Alone

Hey y'all!

Well, I'm not alone in my disbelief of the stupidity of the corn syrup-pusher industry. So not alone. Check this out:

http://cleanerplateclub.wordpress.com/2008/09/10/sweet-surprise-the-corn-industry-apparently-doesnt-know-whats-wrong-with-high-fructose-corn-syrup-but-i-do/

She shares my outrage, and backs it up with the facts. It's definitely worth your time to read, if you find those ads to be full of crap-o. Many thanks to Lee for the link.

My Submission for a New Ad Campaign

Hey everyone!

I do have another little quilt to show you, but I can't stop myself from mentioning what I think is the funniest commercial ever. And not funny in a good way, like that La-Z-Boy commercial where the guy comes in wearing this horrific suit, and wants a couch to match it. They find the fabric and put it behind him, and his eyes kind of roll up in his head and he sighs and says, "Bingo". That commercial cracks me up. That's a funny commercial.

This is not that kind of funny. It's the kind of funny where you see an ad that explains that smoking is really ok for small children, cause hell, they're young and will heal and all that. The kind of funny that makes you realize that the world really is as insane as you thought, so maybe you're not so crazy after all. And it's funny because seeing this ad makes you wonder how stupid people will have to be to believe it. So, funny in a bad way.

I hope you have seen this ad. If you have not, here's a link for it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YE5aSUcU3YA

This is the "corn syrup is good for you" ad. You've probably seen it. They've been bombarding everyone with it for a couple of days now. No matter what channel I watch (and I don't watch much TV, let me tell you that), this ad is on. There is another one, with a woman and a popsicle and a man, but it's pretty much the same. The feel good ad of the year. The one where they tell you all those "crazy health concious" people out there who are worried are worried for no good reason at all.

They do neglect to tell you, however, that the "fruit punch" that woman is pouring to give her kids is nothing BUT high fructose corn syrup, water, red dye #5, and some chemical crap that probably not only preserves the pretty color, but also keeps it from eating through the container it's in. I wonder why they left that out?

No matter. In light of the "new advertising" we have here, I'd like to propose my own ad campaign to help bolster the sagging fresh imported tomato and pepper industry. It's entitled Salmonella-Shmalmonella. Enjoy!

Salmonella-Shmalmonella

The scene opens: It is a sunny day somewhere in America. In a backyard of green luxurious grass, a woman is sitting in a chair, enjoying her lunch of a fresh salad, topped with tomatoes. This is woman #1, she is a happy woman, who just seems to be a lot of fun. Her neighbor is woman #2, a "worrywart". Constantly concerned about things like the environment and "global warming", she just needs to get a life.

Woman #2 pops up behind Woman #1's fence: Hey Jill. What'cha up to?

Woman #1: Not much, just having some lunch.

Woman #2: Oh, a salad! That's so healthy. But wait....are those tomatoes?

Woman #1: Yeah, why?

Woman #2: Did you grow them yourself? (She looks around the yard to find a garden)

Woman #1: (laughing) No! Who has time for all that? I bought them.

Woman #2: Are they locally grown? (looks worried)

Woman #1: (kind of brushing woman #2 off, because she's such a downer sometimes)I don't know. I doubt it. I got them at the supermarket. Don't most tomatoes come from Mexico or something nowadays?

Woman #2: Don't you know about Salmonella? (really worried now)

Woman #1: (laughing a little at her worried neighbor) What about Salmonella? (big smile)

Woman #2: Well, that it's..... (voice trails off as she tries to think of anything she may have heard about Salmonella)..... um.....well.....

Woman #1: You mean, that it's a NATURALLY occuring bacteria, and that's it only harmful in larger doses, and that it probably won't kill me unless I'm elderly or sick to begin with?

Woman #2: (smiling, as she is hugely relieved at how wrong she was to be concerned in the first place) Yeah, I guess that is it. Mind if I join you?

Woman #1: Not at all! Come on over!

Big smiles all around by both women as the neighbor comes through the adjoining gate to join her for lunch. The website (salmonella-shmalmonella.com) flashes on the bottom of the screen, accompanied by the picture of a smiling tomato with friendly eyes. Fade out. Commercial end.

What do you think? I think it's a winner. If I can only find someone to film it, it'll be a hit, I just know it, and I think it'll be having everyone feeling better about imported tomatoes in no time.

Welcome to the 21st Century

Or the 20th, depending on when you want to think they were invented (1973, people, just so you know, but most think they are a more recent invention).

I got a cell phone. I have been resisting it until now. But with two children in school, and being the only parent local in case of emergencies, I needed one in case I wasn't home (gasp) if something happened. You know, in case I grow a life or something. Could happen.

I hate cell phones, but not because I'm a technophobe, which is what people usually think when I say that. I'm actually quite technologically literate, and in fact used to teach people how to use computers in my other life (ie: before children). So, I know my way around. But I hate cell phones, because I believe they contribute to the "rudening" (that's a new word, hope you like it) of society. For instance, why do you need to talk on the cell phone when you are:

1. In the supermarket, shopping in the aisles. Do you need help figuring out what to buy?

2. On line at a store. Pick a store, any store. There's someone on the phone on line. Or pick a food place. Trying to get coffee at Dunkin' Donuts? There'll be someone on the phone on line.

3. Driving. Do you NOT need to pay attention? We should all be looking out for you, is that what it is?

4. At the gym. No, you're not here to work out. You're here to talk to your friends, but not anyone who is actually at the gym.

5. On the train or plane. Yeah, we all want to hear what you're talking about.

6. In a restaurant. Again, we all want to hear about whatever it is you're talking about. Please don't let us enjoy our meal.

7. In a movie or concert or some other entertainment venue. You paid money to go to this thing and then talk to someone about something else?

8. A a child's Open School House or some other school function. This is my favorite. Your kid is that boring? Are you that non-involved? Does it only count if you say you've been there, but not that you participated?

Ok, I'm sure there are a million more you all can fill in for me. We see people everywhere doing this, and the message they clearly send is "whatever is going on on this phone is more important/interesting than whatever I'm doing right now". Really, people? You can't just live in the moment? Participate in your life? It's that dull? Sad, really, sad.

You know what else gets me about cell phones? Kids who have them. Why? I can sort of understand a teenager having one (calling you to let you know they are going out with so and so after school, using them to talk to friends so they don't tie up your home phone), but a second grader? What the hell could they possibly need one for? The kid's 7 years old. I don't get it.

I also don't understand texting. Why? You have a phone, but you don't want to call? So you text? It's bizarre, really. And don't even start me on the camera thing. I don't understand that at all.

All this aside, I do understand having a cell phone for emergencies. They really can be a good technology, if we use it right, which most of us do not. In fact, I'm sure we all have a cell phone story we can relate, or a pet peeve about them. Do you? I'd love to know it. I don't think I'm alone in this feeling. Feel free to vent, folks. I'd love to hear what you have to say, whether you agree with me or not.

Oh, Mercy, Mercy Me

Things ain't what they used to be.
What about this overcrowded land.
How much more abuse from man can she stand?

So I was driving to do some very expensive food shopping (is there any other kind nowadays?), and noticed that there was a sign up along a really nice stretch of woods on the side of the road.

Coming soon! Some development with some "quaint" name that will make you all think we're doing you a favor and that more houses are better than woods! Stay tuned! We're busy improving your lives, people! Get excited about it!

There are signs like this all over the place up here. If they don't say that, they say For Sale!! And I just know, that a year from now, the lovely old woods will be gone, and replaced with some "lovely" and "quaint" development of oversized houses on large lots, or a whole shitload of condominiums. All in the name of progress.
Truly, it makes me want to vomit. Anyone else feel that way? We thought, when we moved up here, that we were getting away from the overdevelopment Long Island is "famous" for. Unfortunately, this county seems to want the overdevelopment worse than Long Island did. They are building huge stores everywhere, houses all over the place, knocking down trees and erasing farms. My guess when we first moved up here was that in 10-15 years we're looking at Long Island all over again. We thought we maybe got away with something, and were giving our children a chance to see some open spaces. However I think, by what I've seen in the 2 years I've been here, I'd have to narrow that guesstimation down to 5. We got away with nothing. Our children will know the same crowding we do.
Two weeks ago, I went to a hearing at the town hall because a builder decided that the pond at the end of our block wasn't good enough and he wanted to put houses on it. Three, in fact. He had spent a year and a half filling in the pond, and marking out the houses, and had actually built a foundation for one of them---15 feet from the nearest neighbor. Now the property in total is probably 2 or 2 1/2 acres. But because this lovely gentleman wanted the 3 houses on it, it warranted the houses to be somewhat close together. Very nice. Because of this, he was needing some major variances to put the houses as close together as he wanted, because in this town, you now can't build a house on less than an acre and a half. Obviously, 3 houses on 2 or 2 1/2 acres means no one gets that acre and a half. This was the problem.
So, I went down there on a Monday night and complained about it. Not just me, mind you, but there were a number of neighbors there as well. We all complained. I don't know what I said particularly, but it was something along the lines of can we please just think about this a little? I get the idea, but it still doesn't make sense. Why crowd more people into an already crowded neighborhood? Others complained that he had filled in the little pond and scared away the animals. Very valid. Luckily, the builder lost, and has to stop building and assumably tear down the too close foundation he put up. He only lost by 2 votes. Out of the 5 councilmembers, 3 said ok. You people suck.
So we won a small battle. No 3 houses, but it doesn't mean he can't try for 2, or 1. He'll win eventually, you just know it. Then this past weekend there were some men walking through the backyards of everyone who backs the farm (that'd be us). Guess what? They're surveyors.
Wanna know why? The farm's for sale, and someone wants to buy it.
More condos, anyone? Huge houses on large pieces of land, anyone? The surveyors tell us that the farm is 120 acres. Hmmm.... at 1 1/2 acres a piece, if they even stick to that requirement at that time, that's 80 houses. And no farm.
Will my view go bye bye? Will they clear that land, too? I don't know. At the time we bought the house, we were told that the piece of land that borders the house is a greenway between us and the farm itself. There is the little brook back there, for real and large as life. I don't know if that's enough or not. I don't know how to find out, either, though I have tried. If they build on the farm, I will still have the trees and brook behind me. Some of the trees are hundreds of years old. I don't think I have to tell you again that the space behind the house is the only reason I liked it. The whole being surrounded by neighbors thing is definitely not part of the appeal of the place. So, it remains to be seen what happens. The surveyors who were here, for some reason, came back and marked the borders of everone's property that backs the farm (again, us--and some others). So now I know where my boundaries are. That's nice, since they did it for free, and it's normally a VERY expensive proposition. But why they did it, I don't know. Are they going to make me an offer? Cut down those trees, you may as well. I don't want to live here then.

This place sucks. Humanity, with their endless greed for land and money, sucks. If we don't slow down, it'll be too late. It may already be too late. We're crapping all over the Earth and no one's listening. Enough already, folks. Start using your brains. No farms=no food. No food=no people. No people=no reason to build houses. No houses=no money for you. Get it? Knock it the hell off.

Jocelyn

***The pictures above are all of my yard. They are heavy on Irises because I like Irises and because that's what's blooming right now. Yes, I am a gardener. I do love plants, and I realize that makes me a bit "biased" against people who chop down trees and build on farms, but that's just who I am. I garden because I feel that I need a way to feel more sane in this increasingly insane world. I garden because I am surrounded by people and I would rather not be. I love my gardens. They are my center. They are young (I only planted many of them last year), but they will grow, and they give me the patience to see that happen. This is one of the few types of work that I really feel is worthwhile and good. Go outside and work in the dirt. Believe me, you will feel like a better person for it. And there is a deep wisdom in the knowledge of how to grow plants. I can't explain it, but I think it is something we all should know. It is something that goes deeper than just existing to exist. I think knowing how to grow things would make us all understand the Earth better, and then just maybe we'd all finally slow down.

Parental Twilight Zone

So yesterday was the annual Memorial Day blowout in this neighborhood-when everyone has a party (except us--we're not party people. Quiet dinner with friends people, yes, but not party people). Somehow, these parties usually wind up involving our yard, though we weren't invited to anyone's actual party. Generally it's kids running through it on the way to said party, or retrieving balls from one of the gardens that were lost from said party. Even every once in a while, some random kids from said party will be found in our backyard, just playing with my kids' toys. This is, of course, when my head explodes and I shoo them (as politely as an insane person can) away and back to whatever the hell party they came from.

Then there are times like yesterday when I am SURE I have entered the twilight zone of upstate weirdness. Get this: we were outside all day yesterday (in the midst of party-ville), working on our newly-erected shed. I spent the day painting it, and my husband spent the day filling it up and emptying the garage (which can now be used to house the cars-what a weird concept!). It was a long day. Around 5 o'clock, two little blond kids I don't know come running out of the house next door, and head directly for our kids' swingset. They start to climb it. Now my husband and I were sitting on the grass in the backyard, taking a short break in the work. Our kids were inside, playing. Soon behind the two kids came the childrens' mother, who saw us and said "Is it ok if they play on your swingset?".

Now, I am tired. The kids are already ON the swingset. They're little, like my kids. I am utterly taken aback by this woman. The neighbor's house she came from is the neighbor I never have problems with, and have a good rapport with. If I were with it and NOT in shock, what I should have said was one of the following.
The sane response: "No, my kids are inside, but if they want to play with your kids, you can"
The gut response: "Who the hell do you think you are? This isn't a public park. Get the hell off my property"

Either one of these really would have jived with what I was thinking. I don't like people running across our yard. I don't like children playing with our kids' toys, especially without my kids (duh). It drives me nuts that I have to deal with ANY of that crap up here at all. I really think it shows that people, as a whole, have lost respect for each other, and do what they want because they want it. So really, I should have told the woman to go stick it. But for some reason, either because I was tired or because this woman put me in a horrible awkward position, I said
"Yes, but you need to watch them, because we are busy".

We went back to work. She looked pissed that she had to watch her own kids.

Also, at some point, there were a whole bunch of teenagers playing ball in our driveway. Apparently they were cousins of the little ones and had assumed that since the little ones were here, well, then why the hell couldn't they be? At some point, while I was FREAKING out about how f-ing weird this whole thing was, someone (adult-wise) woke up and called them back to the yard of the party they actually belonged to.

The long and the short of it was that my kids came out of the house, and after my son got very upset that there were strangers on his swingset (rightfully so), the kids all played together and had a really good time, and we finished our work on the shed. The kids ran and played until 8:30. The parents of the children had disappeared LONG before that time. At 8:30, when my kids went in for a bath, I went over to the next door neighbor, located the mother of the errant children and told her she would need to keep her kids over by her now, because my kids were in for the night, and I'm no longer going to watch her children.

She looked pissed.

I don't give a damn.

My kids had fun, which was why I tolerated the crap. I want my kids to be happy and do kid things. But why did I say yes in the first place? Believe me, I beat myself up about it for a LONG time after I did it. I'm STILL beating myself up about it today. I didn't handle the whole situation well. I really wanted to tell her to screw off, and I didn't. I can't believe the GALL of people like that. It was an awkward situation--I was torn between telling her to go stick it, and thinking it didn't really matter if they used the swings, because it couldn't hurt anyone. Plus then, my kids would have the chance to play with some other kids. And the kids were little. How do you tell them no? Punish them because their mom is an idiot?

See the weird position I was in? I STILL don't know how I should have played this. I still go between thinking I should have told her off and stood up for my family and my kids and property, and thinking that I should just lighten up because it is not a big deal and it's being "neighborly" and nice and it didn't hurt anyone. And maybe that's how things are done up here, and I should just let kids run all over the place, because that's just what they do here. Then I think screw neighborliness. See?

I think I should have done the first response, "No, but if my kids want to play, then it's ok". I think that would have been nice, but still standing my ground and not being walked all over like a doormat. I don't know why I didn't. That's going to bother me for a while. What would you all have done? This is one of those times when I feel like I'm not equipped to be a human being and deal with other human beings, and I resent that too. I don't know what the proper response should have been. That bothers me. This ever happen to anyone else?

Just to add to the whole Twilight Zone feeling, the neighbors I usually have problems with (kids in my yard, plant trampling, etc), were not a problem. They did have their usual party, but the few times they lost a ball, they came to get it if it was right inside the yard. If they lost it WAY inside the yard, miraculously, instead of barreling through the garden to get it (which was the norm for these kids), they called our attention to it, and asked if they could get it first. Then they said thank you when they got it, or we gave it back. It was weird, and not what those kids are known for, I have to admit. They are barrelers and tramplers by nature. It was a weird night.

I seriously need to put up a fence. A big, honking, 6 foot stockade fence.

Or get a dog. A big, vicious one.

Then there would be no barreling and trampling or kids I don't know on my kids' swingset. And everyone would have to ask first. I'd know how to handle that.

Emotional Blackmail

I know, I'm back one day and I'm complaining already. Not cool. But listen to this:
Last Thursday, while I was trying to die peacefully, my daughter brought home this from school.

It's a magnet that was made out of a piece of artwork she did in class. It took her two days to draw the picture (by the way; it's a rainbow with unicorn-pegasus-horses flying around. What would those be considered? Unisuses? Pegicorns?? Hmm... Anyway, they are NOT goats, so don't think that, because that's what I thought and I got a STERN 6 year old lecture on art appreciation because of it) and then someone took the picture away forever pretty much and turned it into a magnet. So I looked at it, and thought, oh, what a nice art project she did, I'll hang it on the refrigerator, but then she produced the REST of the information that goes with the magnet, and it went something like this: "Congratulations on your child's lovely artwork. We made it into a magnet for you. If you want to keep it, send us $6. If you don't want to keep it, just send it back in by Friday. If you want to keep it and then buy more stuff with this picture on it, send us more money, and here's the list of prices for you"

Uh, EXCUSE ME???

Is this NOT emotional blackmail? You bet it is. What child has ever created anything that they DON'T consider a masterpiece? My kids are insanely prolific artists. We can't keep up. Half the things they make are -uhm- practice pictures for better things. But do they allow me to throw them out? Of course not. I have to sneak them out in the dark of night to the recycle bin and then bury them under last week's newspapers, just so my kids have no chance of seeing them there. So you let this child work on a picture for two days and then take it away and she'll never see it again unless it's in magnet form, and is there any way she's not going to think it's fabulous and want me to keep it? They're going to get my $6, I guess.

What about the kids and families who don't have $6 for this little venture? How crappy are those parents going to feel, turning away something their child has made? Was the idea here to alienate those people?

All in all, this whole thing is not cool. I don't enjoy being forced to purchase something I wouldn't have purchased at all. I would much rather she brought the picture home so I can save it for her or even frame it for her if she liked it enough. Instead, I have an overpriced magnet.

This school district is doing Spring pictures basically the same way. I don't even know why they are doing Spring pictures, as school pictures were "officially" in the fall. But here we are in the Spring, and I get a notice home saying that there are Spring pictures on Friday and every child will get their picture taken, and they will be sent home, and if I want to keep them I can pay then. Well, guess what, folks? I don't want them at all. School pictures were done in the fall, and we all just went as a family to get pictures taken and that means my daughter too. So I don't need it. But there's no way to opt out. The pictures will be taken no matter what. And I'm going to send them right back. Nice try.

So here's my final word on this whole thing, you ready?

Hey American businesses: Is it not enough that you try to sell crap to children all hours of the day on TV (which is why we only watch PBS--no commercials--ha ha suckers)? Now you need to "force" the product into their hands and then ask for payment? I know you know what kind of a position you are putting parents into. We don't like it. We will remember it. You have lost my business, and I will complain to the PTO about this whole affair.

Hey school district and PTO: Shame on you!! By doing this, you are no better than all those stupid commercials on TV, and you are supposed to be above all that. You're an educational institution, not a mini-mall. Yes, I know you need to raise money for things. I fully support that. But forcing children to carry home products that the parents do not want or need is unfair. You are not making this voluntary, you are essentially making it mandatory, and I don't appreciate it. You need new ways to do things. Let's work on it together, shall we?

Sincerely,