Parental Twilight Zone

So yesterday was the annual Memorial Day blowout in this neighborhood-when everyone has a party (except us--we're not party people. Quiet dinner with friends people, yes, but not party people). Somehow, these parties usually wind up involving our yard, though we weren't invited to anyone's actual party. Generally it's kids running through it on the way to said party, or retrieving balls from one of the gardens that were lost from said party. Even every once in a while, some random kids from said party will be found in our backyard, just playing with my kids' toys. This is, of course, when my head explodes and I shoo them (as politely as an insane person can) away and back to whatever the hell party they came from.

Then there are times like yesterday when I am SURE I have entered the twilight zone of upstate weirdness. Get this: we were outside all day yesterday (in the midst of party-ville), working on our newly-erected shed. I spent the day painting it, and my husband spent the day filling it up and emptying the garage (which can now be used to house the cars-what a weird concept!). It was a long day. Around 5 o'clock, two little blond kids I don't know come running out of the house next door, and head directly for our kids' swingset. They start to climb it. Now my husband and I were sitting on the grass in the backyard, taking a short break in the work. Our kids were inside, playing. Soon behind the two kids came the childrens' mother, who saw us and said "Is it ok if they play on your swingset?".

Now, I am tired. The kids are already ON the swingset. They're little, like my kids. I am utterly taken aback by this woman. The neighbor's house she came from is the neighbor I never have problems with, and have a good rapport with. If I were with it and NOT in shock, what I should have said was one of the following.
The sane response: "No, my kids are inside, but if they want to play with your kids, you can"
The gut response: "Who the hell do you think you are? This isn't a public park. Get the hell off my property"

Either one of these really would have jived with what I was thinking. I don't like people running across our yard. I don't like children playing with our kids' toys, especially without my kids (duh). It drives me nuts that I have to deal with ANY of that crap up here at all. I really think it shows that people, as a whole, have lost respect for each other, and do what they want because they want it. So really, I should have told the woman to go stick it. But for some reason, either because I was tired or because this woman put me in a horrible awkward position, I said
"Yes, but you need to watch them, because we are busy".

We went back to work. She looked pissed that she had to watch her own kids.

Also, at some point, there were a whole bunch of teenagers playing ball in our driveway. Apparently they were cousins of the little ones and had assumed that since the little ones were here, well, then why the hell couldn't they be? At some point, while I was FREAKING out about how f-ing weird this whole thing was, someone (adult-wise) woke up and called them back to the yard of the party they actually belonged to.

The long and the short of it was that my kids came out of the house, and after my son got very upset that there were strangers on his swingset (rightfully so), the kids all played together and had a really good time, and we finished our work on the shed. The kids ran and played until 8:30. The parents of the children had disappeared LONG before that time. At 8:30, when my kids went in for a bath, I went over to the next door neighbor, located the mother of the errant children and told her she would need to keep her kids over by her now, because my kids were in for the night, and I'm no longer going to watch her children.

She looked pissed.

I don't give a damn.

My kids had fun, which was why I tolerated the crap. I want my kids to be happy and do kid things. But why did I say yes in the first place? Believe me, I beat myself up about it for a LONG time after I did it. I'm STILL beating myself up about it today. I didn't handle the whole situation well. I really wanted to tell her to screw off, and I didn't. I can't believe the GALL of people like that. It was an awkward situation--I was torn between telling her to go stick it, and thinking it didn't really matter if they used the swings, because it couldn't hurt anyone. Plus then, my kids would have the chance to play with some other kids. And the kids were little. How do you tell them no? Punish them because their mom is an idiot?

See the weird position I was in? I STILL don't know how I should have played this. I still go between thinking I should have told her off and stood up for my family and my kids and property, and thinking that I should just lighten up because it is not a big deal and it's being "neighborly" and nice and it didn't hurt anyone. And maybe that's how things are done up here, and I should just let kids run all over the place, because that's just what they do here. Then I think screw neighborliness. See?

I think I should have done the first response, "No, but if my kids want to play, then it's ok". I think that would have been nice, but still standing my ground and not being walked all over like a doormat. I don't know why I didn't. That's going to bother me for a while. What would you all have done? This is one of those times when I feel like I'm not equipped to be a human being and deal with other human beings, and I resent that too. I don't know what the proper response should have been. That bothers me. This ever happen to anyone else?

Just to add to the whole Twilight Zone feeling, the neighbors I usually have problems with (kids in my yard, plant trampling, etc), were not a problem. They did have their usual party, but the few times they lost a ball, they came to get it if it was right inside the yard. If they lost it WAY inside the yard, miraculously, instead of barreling through the garden to get it (which was the norm for these kids), they called our attention to it, and asked if they could get it first. Then they said thank you when they got it, or we gave it back. It was weird, and not what those kids are known for, I have to admit. They are barrelers and tramplers by nature. It was a weird night.

I seriously need to put up a fence. A big, honking, 6 foot stockade fence.

Or get a dog. A big, vicious one.

Then there would be no barreling and trampling or kids I don't know on my kids' swingset. And everyone would have to ask first. I'd know how to handle that.