Metalmouth.

Braceface.

Tinsel Teeth.

I dunno, I'm sure I missed a few. Anyone think of any others?

Well, if you do, feel free to lob 'em at me, cause I took the plunge and did it.

I got braces.

No, not Invisaligns. Those are crazy expensive and my teeth were way too out of wack for them to work. Regular metal braces for me. The type many of us agonized over in Jr. High.

When we couldn't chew gum.

Or eat taffy.

And were told not to kiss anyone else with braces or we would -gasp- lock together.

That kind.

I'm also getting a retainer in a month.

The kind you were hollered at not to flip in and out of your mouth by your parents and teachers, because they said it would break (they do break, by the way--I broke mine that way, so it's true).

The kind that made you talk funny for a while.

The kind that is icky and you have to take out to eat cause otherwise -shudder- let's not even go there.

Luckily NOT the type that requires that weird thing around your head with the wires coming out of your mouth that is the butt of the 80's movies' jokes. They don't seem to do that anymore. But, a retainer with wires and whatnot just the same.

Yes, I am over 30.

And you know how it makes me feel?


Like an adult.


Crazy as it seems.

This is a thing I've wanted to take care of for nearly 10 years. I did have braces as a kid. Afterwards, my teeth were pretty straight. But I did break my retainer and it did not get replaced, so that did not help, and unfortunately, I had wisdom teeth that wanted to come in in my 20's, but there was no room. I didn't get them taken care of when I should have, so they pushed EVERYTHING on my bottom jaw out of whack. Pretty badly. Most people (I'm told) never noticed.

But I did.

And I went through months at a time when I didn't care at all. My crooked teeth were just a part of who I was, like my grey hair (which I love). But then there were months at a time when it bothered me-really bothered me. And I always thought everyone noticed, whether they did or didn't. And I just hated myself.

So I finally have had enough.

I figured it's time I act like an adult, stop running away from this thing that makes me so unhappy, and face what needs to be done to fix it, so it won't bother me anymore. So I got braces.

And they are not pretty. And worse yet, I will have to have a tooth pulled (in front) because my mouth is just too small. So I'll have a hole there for a little while. Am I excited about that? No. I do realize that it's not particularly attractive, and yes, I'm sure I will be very conscious of it. But the thing about this, and the whole reason it feels so damn good, is that I am finally investing in myself. This is not something I do. Ask me to do something for my kids --no problem. Ask me to do something for my husband --no problem. Ask me to do something for the house --no problem. Ask me to do something for me --well, how much will it cost? It's too expensive. I don't really need it. I can put it off.

I always put me in the back seat. But I didn't want to do that again. So, braces it is.

Coincidentally, today was my appointment to get them and there was an article in the paper about adults and braces. I thought that was pretty funny. Oh, and then I also found this accidentally this morning:

It's not wrong!!

So I'll deal with the lovely metalworks I've got going in my mouth, and when the tooth is extracted, I'll deal with the hole.

Because in the end, my crooked teeth will never bother me again.

And that makes it all worth it.