My Submission for a New Ad Campaign

Hey everyone!

I do have another little quilt to show you, but I can't stop myself from mentioning what I think is the funniest commercial ever. And not funny in a good way, like that La-Z-Boy commercial where the guy comes in wearing this horrific suit, and wants a couch to match it. They find the fabric and put it behind him, and his eyes kind of roll up in his head and he sighs and says, "Bingo". That commercial cracks me up. That's a funny commercial.

This is not that kind of funny. It's the kind of funny where you see an ad that explains that smoking is really ok for small children, cause hell, they're young and will heal and all that. The kind of funny that makes you realize that the world really is as insane as you thought, so maybe you're not so crazy after all. And it's funny because seeing this ad makes you wonder how stupid people will have to be to believe it. So, funny in a bad way.

I hope you have seen this ad. If you have not, here's a link for it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YE5aSUcU3YA

This is the "corn syrup is good for you" ad. You've probably seen it. They've been bombarding everyone with it for a couple of days now. No matter what channel I watch (and I don't watch much TV, let me tell you that), this ad is on. There is another one, with a woman and a popsicle and a man, but it's pretty much the same. The feel good ad of the year. The one where they tell you all those "crazy health concious" people out there who are worried are worried for no good reason at all.

They do neglect to tell you, however, that the "fruit punch" that woman is pouring to give her kids is nothing BUT high fructose corn syrup, water, red dye #5, and some chemical crap that probably not only preserves the pretty color, but also keeps it from eating through the container it's in. I wonder why they left that out?

No matter. In light of the "new advertising" we have here, I'd like to propose my own ad campaign to help bolster the sagging fresh imported tomato and pepper industry. It's entitled Salmonella-Shmalmonella. Enjoy!

Salmonella-Shmalmonella

The scene opens: It is a sunny day somewhere in America. In a backyard of green luxurious grass, a woman is sitting in a chair, enjoying her lunch of a fresh salad, topped with tomatoes. This is woman #1, she is a happy woman, who just seems to be a lot of fun. Her neighbor is woman #2, a "worrywart". Constantly concerned about things like the environment and "global warming", she just needs to get a life.

Woman #2 pops up behind Woman #1's fence: Hey Jill. What'cha up to?

Woman #1: Not much, just having some lunch.

Woman #2: Oh, a salad! That's so healthy. But wait....are those tomatoes?

Woman #1: Yeah, why?

Woman #2: Did you grow them yourself? (She looks around the yard to find a garden)

Woman #1: (laughing) No! Who has time for all that? I bought them.

Woman #2: Are they locally grown? (looks worried)

Woman #1: (kind of brushing woman #2 off, because she's such a downer sometimes)I don't know. I doubt it. I got them at the supermarket. Don't most tomatoes come from Mexico or something nowadays?

Woman #2: Don't you know about Salmonella? (really worried now)

Woman #1: (laughing a little at her worried neighbor) What about Salmonella? (big smile)

Woman #2: Well, that it's..... (voice trails off as she tries to think of anything she may have heard about Salmonella)..... um.....well.....

Woman #1: You mean, that it's a NATURALLY occuring bacteria, and that's it only harmful in larger doses, and that it probably won't kill me unless I'm elderly or sick to begin with?

Woman #2: (smiling, as she is hugely relieved at how wrong she was to be concerned in the first place) Yeah, I guess that is it. Mind if I join you?

Woman #1: Not at all! Come on over!

Big smiles all around by both women as the neighbor comes through the adjoining gate to join her for lunch. The website (salmonella-shmalmonella.com) flashes on the bottom of the screen, accompanied by the picture of a smiling tomato with friendly eyes. Fade out. Commercial end.

What do you think? I think it's a winner. If I can only find someone to film it, it'll be a hit, I just know it, and I think it'll be having everyone feeling better about imported tomatoes in no time.